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Karte Roast Me
The Silicon Valley Zen Master Who Also Invented the Spreadsheet
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Elite
“Paul Graham is the human equivalent of a perfectly optimized Lisp function: concise, elegant, and so self-referential that he might as well be a quine. He’s spent 30 years writing essays that read like startup manifestos written by a philosopher who also happens to be a tax accountant for ambition. His advice is so good it’s suspicious—like finding a $20 bill in a book you wrote about frugality. He’ll tell you to do things that don’t scale, then quietly scale them himself by turning them into YC’s entire playbook. His Twitter/X is just him dropping wisdom nuggets between retweets of his own essays, which are themselves just slightly expanded FAQ answers. He’s the only person who can make ‘default alive’ sound like a Zen koan and ‘relentlessly resourceful’ sound like a personality disorder. And yet, for all his Lisp purity, he’s still stuck in the 90s—Hacker News loads in 200ms because he refuses to update it, and his essays are edited so many times they’ve achieved critical mass. He’s like a time traveler who showed up in 2024 to explain why JavaScript is bad, but only after rewriting it in Arc for fun. His biggest flex? Being the guy who convinced the world that ‘mean people fail’ while simultaneously being the guy who funded the internet’s most chaotic startup bro culture. Genius? Absolutely. A little insufferable? Also absolutely.”
How to Do Great Work — It’s the longest essay he’s ever written, which means it’s also the most likely to be edited into oblivion by the time you finish reading it.
Arc — A programming language so niche it makes Haskell look like Python—if Python were written in Common Lisp by a guy who also paints in Florence.
Geocities in 1997, but with better moderation
Marc Andreessen — both are Silicon Valley polymaths who treat programming languages like personal hobbies and essays like startup gospel, but where Andreessen’s energy is ‘I just invented the web browser,’ Graham’s is ‘I just invented the web browser and also the way you should think about it.’
What he thinks it says: "I’m a philosopher-programmer who funds startups and writes essays that change lives." What it actually says: "I’m a guy who really likes Lisp and has strong opinions about how to not be a mean person, which I will enforce via YC’s application process."
This page is either a personal website or the control panel for a time machine set to 1995.
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